29 February 2016

Are you ok?

Not the hardest phrase in the English language. Or so you would think?!
May I state this is not a story about friendship, my friends are wonderful generous people, very present and hugely generous. See friends. This one's about a few difficult institutional or associational relationships, those that come with shared interest, whether in paid and non-paid work. My frustration is here directed at those few colleagues who appear to have lost their capacity for empathy - they act in ways that imply a limited understanding of the capacity of human endurance.  
I have really struggled for a couple of years now. It's not the days on the road every week, the demands of teaching, the trustee meetings, the tribunals / hearings, the research, the demands of home life, or the lack of sleep!! Neither is it an increasing number of impairments or worsening health conditions that are becoming increasingly painful and profoundly exhausting.... It's the sum total of these individually small things and the lack of understanding I often face regarding their cost. I heard it recently referred to as 'emotional fragmentation' - very apt I thought when I hear a Woman’s Hour talk on Emotional Labour. 
For those who do not sit on their bedside waiting for painkillers to kick in so that they can stand long enough to shower; it must be hard to imagine a morning routine that can use up ½ a day's energy. Or the feeling of dread when you know that the evening meeting will take you past exhaustion, meaning you'll need more than a day to recover, because 'too much' becomes increasingly harder to recuperate from when you start off tired. It's 2:30pm and I'm out of sugar!!! Thanks to Christine Miserandino for Spoon Theory !
When you collapse having spent every ounce of available strength and then you hear someone say "it's ok for you" - who do you hit? When you've run to keep up for months and nobody seems to have noticed how much you've given - where do you jump! The price you pay to just be in the room - when you're running on empty but want to join in. What do you say to those who then ask you for a letter, a report, a phone call or a difficult conversation  - really? really! or those who say "just stop" - really! really? really? 
WHERE IS THE CARE? How hard is it to ask 'are you ok?' Or to ask if you can help or listen before it's too late... Preferably before the physical collapse or the system failure that puts people in hospital or on the psychiatric ward. Before the nasty letter demanding time owed or medical certificates - in triplicate. Before the event, that despite it's innocuous nature, pushes people over the edge. People who have faced trauma often carry heavy loads, they can be vulnerable: exposed - not weak! Too much is often only the last straw, the seemingly insignificant extra demand. 

Equality of opportunity isn't enough! Equality of consideration requires an understanding and an anticipation that with difference comes a need for mutual appreciation. The compassionate will have the sensitivity to ask: 'are you ok?'.  We cannot anticipate what's behind a smile, a conversation is needed, an exchange; a way of gaining insight into the challenges people have lived through and the difficult lives they may be living now. 
Procedure and process are cruel if delivered uniformly and without thought for those on whom they impose the most. Fairness comes not from even numbers but from equitable measures. Without an intentional and mindful regard for difference there can be no respect for each other. When we cease to ask people how they are, because the job doesn't require it, we step towards the cruelty of careless ignorance - individualism at its worst. The fairest assumption is to acknowledge probable pain exists and that the price of effort is unequally distributed; that some people make choices that others do not have to, and that many come to the table already bruised and hurt. This does not mean that can't give kindness or want to share joy - it's just costly.


28 February 2016

The words that bind us

The words we use connect us. 

Rather than understand speech as a purely personal skill, it may be worth considering our words as interpersonal tools. In this way the threads of ideas that connect us can become a web of shared experience, woven from conversation. Shared stories therefore become the thoughts that connect us. They thread through our relationships, uniting the social fabric of our lives.

Within groups, shared terms and phrases establish common ground. Between groups, these domains may create a patchwork of fields on the shared landscape. Smaller territories that anchor my existence to people and place helps me think more clearly about my relationship with other groups. From this perspective, shared terminology can be seen as part of the world in which I feel comfortable. It is familiar. I feel at home. If my identity belongs with a part of the landscape, then crossing boundaries becomes an act or movement.

The way language connects us seems important here, as different types of dialogue can be used in different ways. We could start with the distinction between private and public. Things we say when we trust another may seem inappropriate in public debate. We may not share with others those ideas with which we privately struggle. Words are tools with multiple meanings. Words are neither good nor bad. Like hammers, knives or spoons, they are neutral: rather, it is their use that gives them power. I’ve listened to awkward articulations of profound respect, using words that seemed to jar yet said ‘I love you’ in the way that The Princess Bride’s character, Westley, says, “As you wish”. Equally, I’ve been insulted in the most politically correct terms and denigrated without any resort to obscenity.

Conversations are not simply sequences of words. Through body language, intonation and demonstration of feeling, we articulate intent and belief in different ways according to context and relationships. I care more about what people are trying to tell me than how they say it. When topics are challenging, it’s hard enough to explain our feelings, without also feeling compelled to use the correct term or grammar.

Time-served trust and understanding are reflected in the ease at which short phrases and small gesture are understood by those who have shared our journey. With such closeness, the implicit need not be made explicit. 

We have already seen that as an interaction, words weave a web, a fabric that connects people. And people make shared “personal languages creative, fluid, dynamic, energetic, changing, fluctuating and varied in terms of functions, places, contexts, personality, age, gender, groups, cultures, history and individuality”[i].

But what happens on the boundaries? Are we explorers or visitors? Do we impose our ideas? Do our words impact on others? Or can we sit expectantly, sensitively joining in at another’s pace? Are we willing to hear those who believe we have earned the right to hear their story? We need to be a respectful visitor, demonstrating courtesy and empathy until we can share enough trust to walk the path together and call the journey our own.

Service-led provision and inevitable inequality

… it is in those more equitable affluent countries where people live the longest, where social conditions are most favourable, that people are most likely to admit to not feeling so great all the time, because they can afford to admit to it.[ii]

Society’s widespread consumerism influences what we value in our lives. In acknowledging its impact we can reclaim some control by declining direction by institutional procedures. For example, I understand widespread materialism: I therefore try to limit my acquisition of shoes, articulating my belief that excessive materialism is a problem.  More specifically within services, the fixation on the bottom line can prevent us from appreciating the value of human experience. Making decisions based on cost-cutting in people’s lives may prevent us from acknowledging the part of human experience that is fundamentally more important: control[iii].







[i] (Shohamy, 2006, p. 7)
[ii] (Dorling, 2011, p. 32)
[iii] (Gilbert, 2006)

British Educational Leadership, Management and Administration Society Conference 2015


I do hope this finds you well, I'm in the recovery position today! Exhausted and a little shocked, because Monday came too soon .. I wasn't ready! So please do excuse the rough edges…

As always the BELMAS conference this weekend was fantastic! Once upon a time, I remember being rather scared and awed by this gathering. Probably my lack of understanding about leadership made me fear that it would be elitist and oppressive. I'm glad to say that what I find every year is warmth, collegiality and respect! In terms of sustainability, the weekend leaves me renewed, refreshed, challenged and connected. If a little weary! Ken Robinson talks about walking into a room where people talk your language, know your passion, connect to your craft - the community at @belmas feels this way to me!

I was Really! Really! honoured to meet John Novak – a privilege and a joy! Being of an enthusiastic disposition (after 20 years in education?!) I was preparing myself to welcome him with intentionality. after all, Intentional invitation is the subject of his most recent book, Leading for Educational Lives. However, I felt quite out-welcomed by his warmth and interest?! I gather I did a good job with of my introduction - despite my fear. People were kind enough to let me know that my joke - about being neither underwhelming or overwhelmed, but full of whelm - was appreciated. This was a reference to his recent book.  In his keynote, he joked that as a Canadian he hoped that people read his book, but as an American he hoped people bought his book! As I told him, my feelings are that as my book is now so old, I usually pray that the people I meet cannot remember mine!  

My paper went well, as the previous blog articulates. I enjoyed sharing the ideas I'm playing with ideas. Those that connect sustain-ability, to equality/inequality, governance and account-ability. A tall order, and not the most straightforward of academic endeavours. My heart soared, as I was described as 'inspiring' twice! More generally people were warm in conversation, looking after me, and helping me get my needs met (hugs and tea!!). I picked up loads of ideas in the session I chaired.  Friends and new colleagues.... I was voted in as a council member, an honour and a privilege!!

Today I’ll be lying on the sofa, trying to find low brow stuff to do while my body recovers. Accessibility issues and general high levels of noise have left me v week and wobbly. I look forward to more worthwhile endeavour – tomorrow!



ABCD Conference

In no particular order here are some great words from some of the fabulous people who came together at the Asset-Based Community Development Festival this week:
“he power of reflecting peoples gifts back and knowing that might be the first time they have heard someone else validate it.“
"When ‪#abcd is done well it is inherently political and uncomfortable." Shawn Samuels
"socially isolated people between 2 & 5 times more likely to die prematurely" (Marmot)
"Health is actually determined 80 percent OUTSIDE the world of medicine. Social capital is a way to keep you out of hospital”

 John Ashton. "Professionals on tap not on TOP"  Good lesson for All professionals.
“Capltaism makes people vulnerable, blames them for it, uses their bodies to make money (pharma), and then eventually kills them.
“Our main job is keeping our eyes open and our minds open to what is around us.”
"Communities job is to produce things that never get used up - love, friendship.."
"The community development question of today is 'Why do people want to live in particular places?' “

“From D eficit C ounting B efore A ssistance to A sset B ased C ommunity D riven. How to support without sacrificing dignity.”
"One of the most radical things we can do is remember"
“We often worry about too little money. We should also worry about too much.” 

”offering the hand of support to start a movement, if not now now when!! "The heart of the community is people"
"It can be unsettling to hear differences between community views vs 'official' views."
 "The language we use is often not benign, it positions people, has profound effects on community voice." - Dr. Martin Galvin ‪#abcdfest2015
“An English woman, an Irish woman and a Scottish woman... Serve haggis to our South African guests “
“It is never WHAT but WHO - having more people in your life who are NOT paid to be there is essential."
"You think too small John", Judith Snow would say. "In her memory we can all think big about ABCD."
“Be positive, "What you focus on, is what grows"
"What is important is conversation around abilities, not disabilities."
John McKnight's vision for the future: A culture of contribution, all means All, come on in we need you."

Jody Kretzmann “if we just map assets, there’s no point - we need to do something w/ the info” http://ow.ly/i/bmSO1 ‪#abcdfest2015 ‪#Asset Based Community Development