Being part of a bigger conversation

A few thoughts on a shortened visit to the British Educational Leadership, Management and Administration Society conference #belmas2016.

It's been a busy time, conferences, AGMs and board meetings... I'm struggling physically but I gain so much from the conversations I join it would be very sad to miss out. My areas of activity are diverse, because my interests are eclectic, but they make sense to me given my background and experience. I'm interested in educational leadership because of my passion for inclusive education and special educational needs. I have an interest in organisations supporting disabled people because I too am disabled and have facilitated disability equality sessions across a number of sectors for many years. I am also chair an organisation that supports people in receipt of domestic violence, because I have seen its ravages close up and I have sought to understand the social inequality that feeds violence  across localities. Below is a linear representation of how my ideas fit together; yes an intentangled mess - but that's ok!!

  

Last Friday at the BELMAS conference I was struck by how important it was to be part of a research community as a budding researcher. Being part of an interest group is important, and recognising the work of others is critical, avoiding silos is pivotal. For me conferences are about seeing where my work fits, hearing about different perspectives, and acknowledging the interconnectivity of a bigger whole.  It's a precarious balance of courageous contribution and humble interest (no easy for a shaky woman!), it’s hard work for any doctoral student wanting to belong to the bigger club. Over the years my strength has grown as I've learned about new ideas and a different language - I can now joke about high-brow concepts! (Bad humour in any language). 

The danger as a researcher I think, particularly one with an activist heart, is that you overstate the importance of your own interest(s). This tendency, while understandable because of the enormous amount of work needed to secure a knowledge base, can impose a binary view of the world within wider debates. For example, being a feminist might impose a man-woman view of the world, which left unchecked effaces the diversity women as a group (thank you Marianne Coleman). And while lip service may be paid to LGBT, disabled and Black communities within the group, individuals can easily become marginalised by a group agenda fought too radically. From personal experience, I feel that as a disabled woman I don't want to be a secondary member of any group but a all-round thinker in lots.... And then a few more!

 I think intersectionality is critical to measured debate. Personally I seek to recognise my own limitations in many areas, the boundaries help me define my authenticity as an unreliable narrator - It's possibly all we can ever be. I don't think my hesitation is a weakness, au contraire it's an acknowledgment of limitation and a definition of subjectivity. Being gentle and aware of different views allows me to hear a number of voices at once. I hope to be kind without a need of alignment, I hope to acknowledge what I don't experience – values and ideas. Flexibility, moving beyond a two-sided choice, allows me to understand that we all face different obstacles. Some more than others!!!  It’s cumulative and often not of equal size; and without a move to understand the thinking of other groups we are not treating those within ours with equity. Because without an understanding of feminist, critical race, queer or crip theory - ANY research perspective runs a risk of being oppressive - take your pick. 

I feel that no identity is purely a one-ended choice along a spectrum, I feel our identities are multifaceted, we stress aspects of our being to secure belonging in a never ending performance - a dance that changes with every partner(s). In many of my relationships disability doesn't feature, it's not that I cease to be disabled, it's just that other brilliant parts of my being come into play... Being in a place where I feel wanted is a game changer! My own identity has changed over the years, from young to older, my being is fluid and rarely static! (2nd CP joke)

At this point I collapsed, was showered with kindness, but had to leave… makes you wonder what 2 days thinking would look like!