Would you like cyanide with that bitter pill madam........

It is hard looking for a house, and it's even harder finding a home. I've not yet met someone who finds it easy. But when you actually need parking, easy access, and room to move with help -something a little specific - it becomes a far more challenging task. A low curb, a drop step, or a back door on the garden are huge - the jackpot. Not huge differences, bit life enabling!! We've been looking for months! So imagine our delight in finding a suitable property.

As a disabled person you don't want to be a pest. I know what I need is rare - but I am willing to be patient.  I'm not being petty, or picky, but without parking or access to the garden I may as well be without. Imagine you had to hop to the house, or tie your legs together and jump into and out of the garden, how important would these things become to you? I'm not the first, neither will I be the last to struggle. But I have, I do and I will... that's the difference. I struggle everyday no one cares, every week no one makes a fuss, every year and no protest. On some days being alive is an agony, fighting for a flat step a humiliation I do not want to endure.

In the tiny slither of hope that opened this week, we were told we had a home to go to, the preferred tenant even though we could not sign the documents to progress the rental for two to three days. The hen's tooth, accessible[ish] home promised on Monday was denied today (Thursday). Apparently, a decision was made on Tuesday that the other tenants were more suitable. Bizarrely this happened without the courtesy of a phone call. We found out by accident, a phone call to confirm we could commence the paperwork ended in tragedy. We were told we had misunderstood the conversation on Monday. Possibly, for many a set back, for us a tragedy!! The glimmer of hope was extinguished, we were blamed for shortcomings we could not even comprehend!!

When we tried to talk about it we hit a wall. Apparently it's not against the law to be cruel, uncaring and dismissive nor is making promises that you have no intention of keeping. Not worthy of understanding, the 'sorry' thrown out not as an apology but a placatory uttering that denied any ill doing.

In not doing your job, you crushed my hope, rubbished my feelings and threw pain my way. You denied my very humanity, the sorry did not staunch the pain and the denial caused a harm far deeper, far harder and more inhuman. My life worth less than yours.... because I cannot manage a step!!!!